The Moxley Legacy: Gen 2.2

Catch up: 1.1 | 1.2 | 2.1

*adopts serious voice* Previously on the Moxley Legacy…

Mickie and Harriet (lesbians), had two sets of twins, Nattie (Little Miss Perfect, who later became addicted to strip poker) and Tyson (who was recently abducted by aliens); and Brie (who cuts bitches); and Nikki (the heir).

Nikki found a boyfriend, Garruck, who has alien genetics. Brie’s beloved, Sorin, is Garruck’s twin. You can’t get much more twee than twins dating twins, can you?

Brie cuts bitches. Her two favourite bitches are: Cedric (a guy in combats and a CM Punk shirt), and Bad Santa (I have no idea what Bad Santa’s real name is).

Nikki’s lifetime want is to have 50 dream dates, which I love (free swag from grateful suitors), but have never succeeded in doing before (50 dates is a lot).

So, these two have to date. A lot. And they have a routine. Flirt.

Karaoke.

Buy a car.

Wait… what?

Goddamned Pleasure sims. They’re fucking random.

Take a photo. Then bang in the booth.

And once I’ve hit the “dream date”, I check Garruck’s wants, to see if he still wants to fall in love with Nattie. And then I seethe a little.

Dormie: OMG, you guys had sex! That is so AWESOME!

Dormie: Also, I hate your twin. And that’s AWESOME too!

Nikki is probably the smartest sim in the dorm. So when she deliberately puts her homework on an already-used desk and then bitches because someone’s in her way, I do have a sense of concern that nobody’s getting out of here alive.

These two? My heart. They’re so adorably in love.

Passive-aggressive messages from mother? Too close to real life. Time to turn off relationship decay.

Since Brie is so awesome, I needed pictures of her and Nikki together to put in the family home. I believe Brie is ashamed of herself in this cap. Possibly because there is permanent in-world evidence she can and does make facial expressions.

Remember how I said Nattie never lost her clothes at the strip poker table? Yeah, that streak is deader than Undertaker’s Wrestlemania streak.

(Yeah, still not over ‘Taker’s streak ending. Not ever going to be over it.)

Suddenly, for the first time so far at Uni, my game suddenly sped up to 3x speed. Yes, this means all four Moxleys are asleep at the same time. It’s a Christmas miracle. So, where are they?

Nikki? In bed, sleeping.

Nattie? In bed, sleeping.

Brie? In bed, sleeping.

Tyson? Passed out on the couch. There’s always one.

When he’s awake, he paints. Only Canadian wrestlers. Given that he’s named after Tyson Kidd (another Canadian), this amuses me.

These two. I’ve never had a OTP in the Sims until these two. I ship it so hard. I have decided that Brie is not going to be a duel heir, because the magic of Brie is that she just lives in Brie Mode without any input from me. If I started controlling her, the magic would end.

Sorin: I have so much sex.

I know you do, boo.

Cedric: I have no sex.

I know that too.

Nikki got fit. She looks thrilled. In other news, it started snowing…

… at which point she rolled this want.

Nikki has just been on yet another dream date. I do not want to ponder why she feels well fed.

Neither does Nikki, by the looks of it.

OMG. DED FROM CUTE.

Seriously, I know I’m supposed to support Nikki/Garruck, but I’m starting to hate them. Every single date, it’s the same thing: gossip, hug, flirt, romantic photo of the two of them, kiss, make out, bang in the photo booth.

These two are so spontaneously sweet, it should make me sick, but instead I’m charmed. Something about Sorin soothes Brie’s ragged soul.

Nattie paints another Canadian. She and Tyson are obsessed.

Seriously, dude. Three of the default paintings are of Dean Ambrose, can someone please paint him? I know he’s from Ohio, but let’s just get past that, ok?

That said, wrestling corner is filling up!

Oh look. Another dream date. Business as usual, how typi– wait!

Brie: Just die!

Cedric: Okay then!

Yvonne (dormie with odd genetics):… but-but-but we were just hanging out! Can’t we all just get along?

Nikki: Will totally back you up in a minute, Brie. Just trying to get another dream date.

Brie: Don’t worry. I got this.

Nattie: *placidly sips her drink*

Yvonne: Fine. If you won’t hang out, I’ll take bets on the fight!

Nattie: *keeps sipping*

Brie: *drops an elbow from the top rope*

The crowd: *goes wild* (except Nattie, who continues to draw mild enjoyment from her beverage)

Bad Santa: Just in case you forgot, I hate you!

Brie: Waaaaaah!

Don’t listen to him, Punkin. You’re Brie Moxley: Cutter of Bitches. Go give him what for!

Nikki: Oh yeah! That’s my sister! Brie Moxley: Cutter of Bitches!

Dorm: *supports Brie Mode*

Brie: And that’s how you cut a bitch, Nix.

Nikki:… I thought you were fighting Bad Santa.

Brie: I’m on it.

Brie: You! Consider your boob well and truly poked!

Random Dormie: This is art.

Brie: And you can fuck off too!

Entire Dorm: *quivers in fear*

The ensuing fights took another 10 (real) minutes to sort out, so I had Nikki grab one of the fighers and give her a makeover. It’s Yvonne, the dormie with odd genetics.

Yeah, she may be a future Moxley spouse. As long as Brie never finds out.

That’s 10% done.

(Really, is that all? Kill me now.)

Oh, here we fucking go again. Just so you know, by the end of Nikki’s uni years, she had 27 of these fucking photos in her inventory. Twenty-fucking-seven. I started giving them out as gifts to make people like Nikki.

Just to change it up, I let them bang in the hot tub. Even though that’s usually Brie’s favourite bang spot. Good lord, is it the makeup, or does Nikki always look that stoned?

When left to her own devices, while Garruck was at class, Nikki made me a snowman. I has a sad it’s not an evil one. I bet Brie would make a whole legion of evil snowmen. It would be like Calvin and Hobbes.

Yeah, this is a thing that happened. And that tree is staying there. Forever.

*sigh*

*cries*

So, as it turns out, these two weren’t best friends until now. Um, how?

Sorin: Greetings future wife and future sister-in-law. You are both looking wonderful today.

Both: *charmed*

Apparently Brie does not exist. Or she got a score so high it broke FRAPS.

Brie: I tell you, Nix, bitch cutting is a busy occupation. No rest for the — wait, my bitch senses are tingling. There’s one right behind me now, isn’t there? *sigh*

Nikki: It’s Bad Santa. In his outerwear to distract you.

Brie: Fuck this shit, I’ve had a busy week, I’m going to bang Sorin instead.

Bad Santa: Your sister–

Nikki: Gonna stop you right there.

Nikki: Your bitch face is ridiculous!

Bad Santa: How about this one.

Nikki: Still pathetic. Brie can snarl.

Garruck: Hi, Brie, have you seen Nikki? I need to caress her face.

Nikki: Bit busy right now, sweetie.

Garruck: Nikki?

Sorin: Oh god, why are earth customs so barbaric? Everyone picks on the Moxley ladies. Why does the world let this happen?

Garruck: Bro, you’re naked.

Sorin: What does that have to do with anything?

Holy shit, Punkin, what are you doing to yourself?

Nikki: I–I–I–lost a fiiiiiiiiiiigghht. Waaaaaah!

Nikki: I will cut him! I will eat his soul!

She’s not exactly Brie, is she?

Oh, that’s why Brie’s pop-up never arrived. Because I used her one young adult command to pick a major for her. She’s on a different schedule to the rest of the spares.

This? In both Brie and Nikki’s wants. All the time. I checked, even though it’s against the rules. Also, Bad Santa is called Tom. I’m sticking with Bad Santa.

Oh, fuckity-bollocks.

Welp, there goes Tyson’s one YA command. Why him? Because if he failed — i.e. not only did not extinguish the tree, but also caught fire and died — he’s the one I’d miss the least. At least Nattie is funny on the rare occasions she’s away from the card table.

Now comes the Simultaneous Shower of Shame.

Have I mentioned that Nattie heart-farts over both alien boys? No? Well, she does. Garruck the most (as evidenced by this cap), because Brie will cut a bitch who tries it on with her man. And then she’ll cut the man who tried it on with a woman not Brie. And then she’ll cut anyone present. And then she’ll cut whoever’s left over.

Nattie: I absolutely cannot look to the left. That’s my twin. Maybe the hot alien could come back?

Tyson: We must clean the shower shame away.

Nattie: And never speak of this again.

Tyson: Or the fact you were oggling Nikki’s fiancé in the shower.

Nattie: Like I said: we must never speak of this again.

I personally would never want to talk about sex with Nattie.

Clearly Brie didn’t want to talk about it either.

Brie: I worry that there are too many bitches and not enough cutting.

Nattie: Cheer up, Brie! Let’s play punch-me-punch-you!

Nattie is an asshole.

Bad Santa: You poked my boob days ago. I am now officially pissed about it.

Brie: You exist. There has never been a time I wasn’t pissed about it.

Nattie: So, Bad Santa, how do you feel about ice cream?

Nattie is an asshole.

Nattie is an asshole.

NATTIE IS AN ASSHOLE!

Nattie: So, this is kind of awkward, but would it be considered rude on your planet if your girlfriend’s hypothetical hotter older sister hit on you?

Sorin: Yes, I believe it is on any planet, Nattie.

Brie: Two bitches to cut, and only one knife.

Brie: SO. MUCH. RAGE.

Sorin: Oh, good heavens! Why is this Santa chap so mean? I thought he was a kindly old fellow who presented gifts at winter? Why must he keep fighting with the love of my life?

Brie: Now leave me alone! Take my sister out for ice cream or something!

Brie’s bitch-face is so epic.

In the last ten minutes? Surely it’s more than that, Brie. You were at five fights last update, and you’ve had at least five since then.

OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! FUCK OFF, SANTA!

Nikki: *squee* BRIE’S HERE GUYZ! IT’S BRIE!

Sorin: Nikki, why do bad things keep happening to her?

Nikki: HI THAR BRIE!!!!!

Brie: ‘Sup.

Nikki: OMG! YOU’RE MY HERO! HUGZ!

Brie: ‘Sup.

Nikki: My sister is so going to cut that bitch.

Garruck: Sweetie, we’re dating here.

There is so much wrong with this that… words just fail me.

Well, that’s because you’re not Brie.

Nikki and Brie are now on the same schedule. I suspect Nikki is fangirling hard. She follows Brie around a lot at the moment.

To be fair, Brie seems pleased with this development.

Brie: Congrats on making the Dean’s list.

Nikki: Well, I had a lot less bitches to cut than you.

I thought, just for a second, that Tyson was doing something interesting.

No, he was just doing a weird pre-Red Hands animation. *sigh* If he’d started a fight with Garruck, that would’ve been interesting.

So a cheerleader rocked up, stroked Tyson’s face…

… and left. Literally the most interesting thing about him. And he didn’t even do it.

FUCKING STOP IT!

What do you know, it’s Brie and Bad Santa. I AM FUCKING SHOCKED, I TELL YOU.

Brie, seriously, murder this asshat. I can’t take much more of this.

Dream date: a billion. Please note the new fight going on outside.

Right, brilliant. Now can you please go to separate rooms or something?

Nine dream dates and NO SWAG. I only like this aspiration for the free shit dates give us. GIMME SWAG, BITCHES!

… well, I’m moderately grateful that it’s Yvonne and not Bad Santa this time.

And Brie is a picture of serenity when Sorin is near. They are so getting married and getting a zillion motherlode cheats. I just want them to be happy.

That said, I might use Brie in the serial killer challenge. Where you have to befriend your neighbours, then lock them in rooms to watch them starve to death. I bet Sorin would just be like, “Hey, hon, have you noticed we’ve got a dozen neighbours in cages in the basement? Isn’t that weird? Anyway, sure you have a reason for it. I’m off to work. Love you.”

Tyson is incapable of painting non-Canadians.

STILL NO FUCKING SWAG!

Oh, you’re pissed off with Bad Santa? I’m pissed off with your stupid boyfriend. Where’s our swag, Nix?

Don’t bank on it.

Again, I got excited that Tyson was going to do something interesting. Like flick the mascot’s nose or something.

He didn’t. He just walked away.

I hate him.

By the way, this is Brie and Nikki’s routine: get home from class; talk for nearly an hour, presumably about what they learned today or maybe how many bitches on campus Brie had to knife…

… then they greet each other.

… then Brie makes a bitch-face.

… then Nikki grins.

I love them.

Nikki sat down next to Tyson, ate mac and cheese, grinned at him, and they’re now best friends.

Even stories about Tyson are boring.

Welp, at least this is less boring.

Yeah. FUCK YOU, GARRUCK. FUCK YOU IN YOUR CHEATING HEART.

At this point, I realised I’d sent everyone on a date except Brie, because she found her own boyfriend. Clearly, even though she’s doing better in school than Tyson and Nattie, she’s not having the greatest time. So I quickly put her on a date with Sorin.

Unlike the annoyance of Nikki/Garruck, these two immediately wanted to do coupley stuff, instead of going to dinner, or playing kicky-bag, or taking photos. These two? Flirt, kiss, hug, etc.

Dream date in about three interactions. Because Brie has tiger blood.

Although this want was pretty permanent in her panel.

This is Nattie.

This is Nattie playing strip poker.

This is Nattie playing strip poker alone.

This is Nattie playing strip poker alone and losing.

And this is what I found Nikki doing after I’d finished Brie’s date. Much healthier than playing strip poker alone.

Sorin: Oh my, how barbaric! This Bad Santa just waltzed into her room after a perfectly beautiful date and started assaulting her. How awful!

Brie: YOU RUINED MY DATE AND YOU UPSET MY BOYFRIEND! NOW GET THE FUCK OUT!

Sorin: Oh, you’re so brave and precious!

Sorin: My heroic angel!

You just know that Brie’s thinking “Yup, got away with that!”

Nattie: #ForeverAlone

That doesn’t change the fact you’re playing strip poker by yourself. And losing.

Hobby Woman (who is so being married into the Moxley clan at some point): I fucking hate this dorm. It’s full of weirdos. Mostly naked weirdos. Here, take your plaque and use it to cover up.

Well, Garruck, that’s what you get when you agree to go on a date, then vanish off the lot for eight hours straight.

Or, to rephrase:

Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, Garruck.

It was at this point I realised that Tyson and Nattie were a semester behind the rest. I’ve only been playing alternate semesters, and somehow those two ended up on the wrong ones. I blame them for being so bland I forgot about them. So I cheated up their grades and sent them to exams.

… this may have been a mistake.

Bwahahahaha. Good luck with that.

This is the entire update summed up in one cap:

Nikki: On a date.

Brie: In a fight.

Sorin: Cheerfully oblivious of Brie’s homicidal tendencies.

Tyson and Nattie: Fucking irrelevant.

Brie? Still winning by not getting an ugly transition outfit. It’s not very Brie, but it’s not ugly either.

Right, you know what? Brie’s not in the dorm, I need more fucking dream dates, and this asshole is not going to ruin it. We’re going to apologise. Yes, you heard me, we’re going to make peace with this asshole.

Nikki: So, anyway, on behalf of the entire Moxley clan, I would like to apologise. I understand that words were said, punches thrown, and I think we should just put that behind us. Mostly because Brie’s moved out and you might survive and we might want your genes in this legacy at a later date.

Nikki: So, hand on heart, I want us to make peace.

Bad Santa: Well, I suppose if you admit that you and your sister are the most bitchy, spiteful and aggressive people in the history of this university, what kind of monster would not accept that apology?

Bad Santa: Ha-ha! Just fooling!

Nikki: B-b-but he…

I know, punkin.

Nikki: but I…

I know, I got this.

Nikki: OMG! I graduated and Bad Santa died! BEST DAY EVER!

Sorin: Oh, gosh. Well, I can’t say I liked him, but I never wished him any harm.

Random Awkward Naked Dude: *is random, awkward and naked*

Random Awkward Naked Dude: *hulas*

So, guess what we’re giving Brie for her wedding present?

Well, didn’t you age up into a pretty dress?

Right, we are done with uni. Thank god.

---

Now, just nipping over to watch Brie and Sorin get hitched.For some reason, Sorin now has hair. I didn’t close down the game, I didn’t move anything, rename anything or delete anything. He didn’t have hair, now he does. And I don’t appear to have the bald option now. *sigh*

Yup, still cute.

No. No, Sorin, you have never mentioned this before. Because you literally just finished college.

Yes, Brie, snap him up now!

I might even do this, just to make Sorin happy.

And that’s easy enough.

Squee!

He’s ours now!

Final Scores
Torch-Holders	2
Pass Outs	3
Self-Wettings	3
Fights	15 (a guess, I added 10)
Fires	2
Perma-Plat Sims	1
Shrink Visits	0
Social Bunny Visits	0
Social Worker Visits	0
Accidental Deaths	0
Special Tombstones v Regular	0 v 0