Last we left off, Ava had just given birth to twins, and she already has two other sets, Corey and Carrie and Dana and Dove, and an exceptionally stupid husband, Captain Dumbass.
I have to start the update with a pretty picture, because the following one is just too scary to start with – but far too scary to omit.
It’s all in the eyes.
I thought I’d zoomed in more than these pictures, Dana still looks odd, but no longer evil.
Dove is pretty cute too.
Carrie sucks at school.
And yet another drive is wearing a tiara. Either this is a really posh area and even princesses need jobs, or the area is so posh that the uniforms are pretentious.
This filled their wants, for some reason.
Then I made them make snowmen in the vague hope they’d make an evil snowman for me.
I got an evil child instead.
Corey is a wimp – despite her evil face. She’s freezing to death, but Carrie’s fine. I have to say, Carrie’s growing on me.
Then Carrie autonomously did her homework. I didn’t even realise that could happen. In the corner is a child named Winkus. Winkus.
Corey wasn’t so keen.
Carrie: Daddy, are you gay?
Carrie: Whatever, hugz.
*growl* STOP STALKING!
Three more and we have The Village People!
Bitch, bitch, moan, moan…
I’m not sure why I have so many pictures of Dana. Maybe because she’s growing on me too.
Whinge… (check out the teeth coming out of her chin)
And proof that Dove’s cute.
Dumbass, you’re under the impression that people care about what you write in your diary. They don’t. Least of all Carrie, who barely ever acknowledges you.
She did this for hours.
And hours. And hours. And pissed off everyone in the building who needed to pee.
Then she hated Corey, despite the fact that Corey was the only one smart enough to use the other bathroom.
Age transition – note Captain Dumbass is still stalking.
Well, half an age transition.
Captain Dumbass: Congratulations of marrying me.
Me: Yeah, that was an awesome decision.
Dana gets a makeover, and she’s pleased about it.
Dove gets a more extreme makeover because I’m just sick of seeing so many generic brunettes running around the house and because I think she’s going to be my favourite now she’s grown into her looks.
Then, just to test the water, I had Dove initiate the hug. It worked. These kids are weird.
I then told Dana to be nice and play with Dove. This was her reaction.
Three times, and poor Dove looks horrified.
Then Dana shot Dove.
Dove begged for the emergency services while Dana giggled her freakish little head off.
The kids continue to shoot at each other…
Carrie returns from school.
Don’t worry, Carrie, you can be the beautiful dumb one. It’s not like you’re up for heir anyway, so don’t sweat it.
Since Dana and Dove were in good moods after growing up, and Corey and Carrie were definitely in the un-fun zone, I had Dana and Dove do Corey and Carrie’s homework while they played with the dollhouse.
Captain Dumbass manages to cook something without burning the kitchen to cinders…
… but can’t seem to work out tables.
When the hell did Ava get time to get buff? Can a sim get fit from simply not having time to eat, and occasionally, grudgingly, gaining one skill point when absolutely necessary for promotion?
Ok… I’m assuming I left her working out for a day or so and she was too dumb to stop on her own.
Ava, I am momentarily impressed.
Corey makes a bid for heir by autonomously cleaning. Nice try, it’s helpful, but makes you a bit boring. Plus, it gives Pervy Maid nothing to do except make Gollum eyes at the camera.
Dove and Carrie, the supposed “nice” ones in each twinset, can’t seem to be nice to each other. Bless. I like them more and more.
Despite those body points, Ava still dances like a spaz.
Pointless Penguin Pic!
Ava has been promoted. How I do not know, because I’m sure she’s only been to work twice in her life, thanks to all that maternity leave.
Random Kid stands there for awhile, getting Dove stuck on the bus for two sim hours and causing the driver to honk repeatedly. I want to kill Random Kid.
Dove: *draws out the suspense*
Beautiful child! Befriend Dove! In time you will make excellent babies…
Oh, it’s you, Winkus.
TOO MANY KIDS!
BEWARE! AIRBORN HELLSPAWN!
(aka “Join the smustle”)
Hey, Dumbass, I’m pretty sure the kid doesn’t want to sniff your pits.
Sure, drop him, that’ll help.
Oh god, Elwood has Dove’s EYEBROWS OF DOOOOOOM!
Me: Dumbass, go help your other child with his age transition.
Captain Dumbass: Oooooh, it’s snowing.
Now you’re getting it. However, you’re both frozen there, thanks to my computer being an arse. A reboot might get you two moving.
Nice one, Carrie.
You might want to remove the source of the problem first, though.
Dove, why is this the only thing in your bloody wants panel? Even when you’ve made an angel, you just roll a new want to do it again.
Look at her spazzing out with joy. Bless.
she’s so my favourite
What is that thing on Jake’s head?
Jake, much cuter than his sisters at this age.
Dana is sucking up to me now that she knows I favour Carrie.
They’re both screwed, I like Dove.
This went on for hours until I had someone give Elwood a makeover.
Elwood, so cute now his EYEBROWS OF DOOOM are hidden by his hair.
I forced Mr and Mrs Dumbass to act like parents.
I’m forcing Ava to be nice to her kids. She gets into it, she just won’t do it autonomously. I suspect she’s not really a family sim.
Random Kid blocks the bus door again – this time by smustling. If she gets a hat trick, I’m killing her. My kids need to get off the bus.
Dana finally is allowed off the bus.
Oddly, only Dana bothers to spaz out with joy and force adults to congratulate her.
Marvellous, super nanny is going to serve food while I’m trying to get the kids to do their homework. Dumb bee-yatch.
It’s official: there is a Sim god!
I played for hours after this wondering why the nanny had caught fire. If you look at the above picture, Super Nanny was serving flambé. Never a good thing in this household. Fire pretty… but evil.
I have never been so sorry to have installed a fire alarm before in my life.
Notice how nobody really cares that the nanny is on fire. The visitors keep on smustling.
And then I’m paid back for my indifference! The dumb fucking nanny runs away from the firemen, and towards Ava, catching my beautiful founder on fire!
Then wanders away, unconcerned that she just SET FIRE TO her employer, complaining about being smelly. BITCH.
Houston, we have a problem: ALL OF THE DUMB NPCS ARE IN THE WAY AND WE CANNOT PLEAD FOR LIFE!
Captain Dumbass was at work when this happened. His wants re-rolled automatically, since most of them were “flirt with Ava”, “play with Ava”, “talk to Ava”, etc.
I hate Captain Dumbass. He wants to fall in love again. His wife’s corpse is still smoking, and he wants a new wife. BASTARD. I’m surrounded by evil sims!
Speaking of evil sims…
Dana: It’s sad and all, but OMG DOVE’S IN MY WAY!
Aspiration failure all round!
My money is on Carrie being the first to crack and clean up mum’s ashes.
Carrie stops halfway, to put the ashes on the floor and cry. It’s ok, we’ll leave that for Pervy/Gollum Maid to deal with.
Dove: *cry sniffle snort*
Dove: boo hoo sob, I am so sad.
You big faker, Dove.
And Dana, you’re not fooling me, you’ve just fulfilled a want and there is no want to “mourn mother”.
Dana: boo hoo sob!
Dana: OMFG, I need MySpace right NOW!
Dana gets over her sniffle fit, and Homicidal Nanny returns. Bitch.
Dana was faking too! Look at her smustle.
Corey and Carrie also angst, but not as much as Dana. Nobody angsts as much as Dana.
I decided that if Captain Dumbass wants to fall in love, he can. He’s going downtown. He’s finding a new wife. Oh, and if one of these children rolls a knowledge want, that child will automatically become heir. And go to college. And take a deep interest in the paranormal. Yes.
I think this townie wants us to pull her finger.
Townie: I want that one!
Well, she seems pretty desperate, he’s on the rebound, she’ll do. Captain Dumbass stalks over, seemingly unembarrassed to be seen stalking as a real vampire stalks past.
Captain Dumbass: My wife just died. Wanna make babies?
Townie (aka Sally): HELL YEAH!
While this is going on, there’s a guy behind Sally patiently waiting for his food. The waitress nearly goes bonkers trying to serve him with two exceptionally stupid sims standing in the way. It’s awesome.
I don’t care what Captain Dumbass is doing, I’m just glad the pretty waitress was able to do her job. Come hell or high water, she’s going to marry Jake or Elwood. Don’t care which, but I want her in the gene pool. She’s beautiful.
Captain Dumbass is somewhat conflicted.
The real vampire gets pissed off with Captain Dumbass’ stalking – understandably, though he’s only been in the same room as him for a couple of Sim hours, I’ve been playing him for days – and vamps Sally. This amuses me.
Captain Dumbass looks unconcerned that his date is making “bite me” faces at another guy. A real vampire.
Possibly because Sally keeps swooning all over him. I already hate her. But I know she’s going to be the one.
Captain Dumbass serenades her with a song that roughly translates to “get in the booth and make me happy”.
Ok, take it back. Some guy hits on Sally, and while Captain Dumbass is cheerfully oblivious, Sally tells him to get knotted.
Captain Dumbass: I used to be a sexy vampire, you know.
Sally: I have absolutely no opinion on that.
Sally: Wanna… you know?
Captain Dumbass: RAPE!
Still, he goes along with it, guided by the dumbstick (I’ve been watching Ally McBeal recently… I’m not sure why).
Back home, the kids continue to smustle and cry.
And Carrie looks at me as if to say, “Why are my family so strange?”.
Smustle and cry.
Smustle and cry.
Smustle and cry.
Smustle and cry.
Smustle and c… oh, shower.
At least Sally has the good sense to leave flowers at night.
Captain Dumbass and I are sick of the fugly townies, so we’re giving them makeovers.
Sally needed one.
Sally: I have no reflection but I bet I look super because you’re so totally sexy!
Dana: Oy, Not-Mum, I wish you were dead.
Dana: I miss Mummy. Remember when she used to dance with us? See that vampire? She’s not Mum. I wish she was dead.
Predictably he congratulates her on being a vampire. I decide now is the time for her to move in.
Toothy celebratory hug.
I swear I did not make her do this.
Oh, Sally, thanks for those 700 Simoleons. Really helpful. We have a dead mother, six kids, and you give us no money. You’re horrible.
Ava has appeared. I guess she’s not fond of Sally.
I love that Ava changes clothes as she walks through the house. Even though she’s dead and it doesn’t matter.
Carrie: Want to be best friends?
Dana: What does it involve?
Carrie: Basically sitting here with me for all of eternity to ensure Captain Dumbass can’t WooHoo the Not-Mum.
Plus-plus, but awkward silence.
Dana: Do you think the Not-Mum is an alien?
Carrie: I’m so cute and adorable, look at me.
I have them move house because the lot is horribly glitchy. I cleverly remember to put the tombstone in Captain Dumbass’ inventory before we move.
Dove hates the Not-Mum. I love Dove.
WTF? Not-Mum goes to work in that and she only brings 700 to the table? She must have hidden her money! Swiss bank accounts!
And this update ends abruptly, because I accidentally unplugged the computer when I plugged in the vacuum cleaner, so we’ll end with some stats.