Last we left off, Ava had just given birth to twins. Oh, joy.
This is Carrie.
This is Corey.
Ava’s first act as a mother (besides taking a call from her stalker)? To lecture her children for being smelly.
Then she got over it and dealt with them.
Then she got bored and started painting. Seriously, this is all she’s done recently. Ava, you do know you’re a family sim, right?
Ava is clearly strange – talking about industrial buildings does not get me in the mood. Perhaps it’s like that Victorian thing – ladies were told to think of “Big Ben penetrating the moist clouds” on their wedding nights. Apparently.
Well, maybe Captain Dumbass is onto something, because it appears to have done the trick.
This is one knocked-up sim.
I know this is a boring picture, but I figured that it would be nice to have evidence that these two got some sleep.
Carrie and Corey – so magical that their beds change colour at night.
I might not have mentioned it, but both Carrie and Corey are girls. I just suck at names and went a bit Virginia Andrews with them. Only without the incest.
Stinky babies, and indifferent parents.
Captain Dumbass manages to do something sensible! Yay! Oh, but he stalked over to the babies.
And Ava? Lost in her art. Awesome parenting.
I’m sure the Smart Milk is terrified of your vampire stalk, you useless HUMAN!
I’m pretty sure you can’t do that to Smart Milk. For one thing, it’s too smart to accept. Unlike your wife.
This is what Captain Dumbass did for about three days. Every time I told him to do something, he’d cancel the action to sit and stare. Awesome.
I would love to know what Ava’s so embarrassed about here. Possibly the fact that her husband is the dumbest man in the world and he still thinks he’s a vampire.
Gah! Nanny with hair! She’s not really a nanny!
That’s better, now you look like… well, someone’s nana.
Excellent, you woke Corey up to…?
Put her on the floor? You really are a Nanny. I apologise for doubting you.
Fabulous. Both babies have been woken up in order for you to put them on the floor. You’re worth every single Simoleon we pay you.
Reining in the sarcasm for a moment, your monumental stupidity will be right at home in this household.
And the stupid just keeps a-coming.
GREEN STINKY BABIES DO NOT NEED FEEDING, THEY NEED CHANGING.
GREEN STINKY BABIES DO NOT NEED FEEDING TWICE, THEY NEED CHANGING!
Both babies on the floor, green and stinky. Job well done.
Ava: Maybe I could trade one of my babies for a promotion?
Ava: OMG! I hate the nanny!
Me: Yep, me too.
Nanny Woz ‘Ere
Nanny: OMFG! I need a counter. And the one in front of me DOESN’T COUNT!
Ava shows a modicum of maternal instinct and attempts to put her babies back in their cribs.
Only to have Super-fucking-Nanny appear, snatch a baby, and feed it for the 72036548962nd time today, cheerfully leaving her cooking to set the world aflame.
Nanny: Hrmm… something’s not quite right.
Ava does this from time to time. Just stands, smiles and sways. I think she’s special.
Just give up on the cribs, Ava. Super Nanny is going to win.
Ava: Help! There’s something invisible blocking my path to nowhere!
Yes, I too *headdesk* at the thought of you and Super Nanny in the same room.
I thought black was slimming and white made you look fat? So why does her bump look smaller in the white dress?
Points for effort, but still, Ava, you suck.
At this point, we’re hiring a maid.
Aww, look, Ava is pretending to be a decent mother.
Nanny: OMFG! I need a counter!
Me: It’s still RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, dumbass.
The maid is unpeturbed at cleaning a room with a naked pregnant woman in it.
Until ten minutes later, when she pretends to be all shocked. We have a pervy maid.
And we still have a stalker.
Nanny: You are awesome!
Ava: Whatever, bitch. You’re still not getting a raise. You leave my kids on the floor. In fact, you stop what you’re doing to get my children out of their cribs to put them on the floor. You basically suck.
General hatred prevails.
Pervy Maid has the biggest eyes ever.
Ava, why so surprised? You WooHoo like there’s no tomorrow.
Birthday! Corey and Carrie are about to grow up!
We interupt this birthday celebration for… well, another type of birthday celebration.
Translation: Corey, Carrie, you’re just not mummy’s number one priority (priorities… number one priorities… that’s not right? – whatever!) any more.
Ava: I can do this. I’ve done it before.
Ava: I take it back! This fucking hurts!
Ava: I have a baby.
Me: Actually, you have three. You should have two babies and two toddlers, but what you actually have is one child who age transitioned on her own, and another baby on the floor whose “help with age transition” is permanently stuck in your queue. I blame you, Ava.
The kids are another set of twin girls, Dana and Dove.
Other failed age transition.
This is Corey. She’s got her father’s skintone but her mother’s eyes – and apparently the facial structure of Alvin, Simon and/or Theodore.
This is Carrie. She looks… even worse than her sister.
She looks better surrounded by (belated) age transition confetti.
Corey, bad idea…
Fine, don’t listen…
See! I’m just ignoring Captain Dumbass, who has stalked into the room and given the camera the evil eye.
See, this dumbass family can try to do family things, every once in awhile.
Ava: Potty training makes me horny!
Ava: Composting contents makes me horny.
Yes, and look where that gets you, vomming at 3am, and losing influence points over it.
Corey’s kinda cute when her face is hidden.
Pregnant, Ava? You think?
Corey is cuter than her sister.
Hrmm… Carrie’s also cute when sleeping and hiding her face. Generally silent and unseen is what makes her attractive.
I have no idea why this picture made the update.
Chipmunks masquerading as humans!
Captain Dumbass does something useful, and I show how we have extended the house since Ava decided she wanted to marry off six kids and Captain Dumbass decided he want have six grandchildren.
It occured to me that we don’t have many pictures of Ava when she’s not painting or vomming.
Guess we’d have more if she wasn’t perpetually pregnant.
Ava, am I doing a single thing that prevents you from going to bed? I think you’ll find: NO!
Pop! (I’m so bored of kids).
Captain Dumbass tries prove to me that he deserves a different name, and I consider it.
The he fucking blows it.
This is the first pregnancy she’s done this. I think she likes these babies more than the ones she already has.
God, that came around quick. I have to be honest, I’ve no idea which twin this is. If pushed, I’d say Dove.
I think this lot has a glitch, because nobody will age at the cake.
Yeah, that was Dove. Dove has her father’s skintone; Dana has her mother’s.
Dana is my favourite already, she hates Captain Dumbass.
Ava: Congratulations on not teaching our kids to stalk. Well done, Captain Dumbass.
Ava: I have no idea what this small person requires.
Dove finally transitions. You might think she’s cute, but those eyebrows aren’t raised in an “I’m glad I grew up” way, they’re permanently that high.
Of course, she’s a regular beauty next to the UGLIEST CHIPMUNK CHILD IN THE WORLD!
Seriously, Dana: Grow into your looks or an accident will befall you. Perhaps a missing ladder from a pool. Do not pollute my house with your ugliness.
Big fucking tantrum!
Heavily pregnant woman: teaching baby to walk.
Lazy Captain Dumbass: throwing up over a fucking archway.
Heavily pregnant woman: Working out!
How? I thought there were rules against that?
Pop. Whatever. Note Captain Dumbass is so jaded by the process he sleeps on.
Three fucking rooms dedicated to the kids. I HATE family sims.
One of them, I believe it is Dove, is completely oblivious to her sisters’ routines and sleeps while they play.
Corey and Carrie.
Dove and Dana. Look at Dove’s mad eyebrows.
Big wide picture. Left to right:
Dove, Dana, Corey, Carrie.
The only reason I know this is because I had Mr and Mrs Dumbass put the tots in their chairs in alphabetical order.
Ava: Some of you look familiar…
The further away you are, the cuter they appear.
Dove: The fucking Nanny is back! Save me!
Nanny: I CAN’T GET PAST! GET HELP! OMFG! I HAVE NO DESTINATION IN MIND AND THERE IS NOTHING AT ALL IN MY WAY, BUT OMFG, I CAN’T SEEM TO STOP COMPLAINING THAT SOMETHING IS IN MY WAY!
Ava: *yawn* Lovely morning!
Me: You’ve had four minutes’ sleep. You’re going to give birth, aren’t you?
Goddamnit, Nanny, put that fucking child down! I have sent her to the potty five times and you keep interupting her! Keeping wee in is how infections start, damnit!
Ava: I’M SURROUNDED!
Nanny: THE XYLOPHONE IS GIVING ME THE EVIL EYE!
Bitch, moan, blah.
Problem solved. At least, until the nanny wakes her up to do something that is entirely unnecessary.
Snow! And look at the three rooms dedicated to keeping four hellspawn happy, a Nanny distracted, and two adults on the verge of suicide.
Why did I take this picture?
Ah, age transition.
Is there anyone in the building who didn’t have an aspiration riding on this?
I really don’t have a clue which child that is. Possibly Corey, based on the skintone.
I had Corey initiate the hug, and this happened.
Carrie on the left, Corey on the right.
Then for kicks I had Carrie initiate it and Corey again screamed “Cooties!”.
I had hoped that Carrie would cry – she wants to make a friend, while Corey wants to gain a skill point (I’m assuming Family and Knowledge sims respectively). However, she just pouted.
I like Corey, she hates Captain Dumbass.
Now the both hate Captain Dumbass. And Ava doesn’t mind.
Oh yeah, Dana got left in the high chair about ten million hours ago. I should send a sim over to help her, but since someone put her in there autonomously, I want to see if they’ll get her out of their own accord too.
Carrie brings up the subject of aliens. I want some in that house.
Carrie eats like her mother. I don’t like her. She’s a wimp. A messy wimp.
Nobody has saved Dana yet.
Carrie: And Hagrid was like, “You’re a wizard, Carrie…”
I don’t know what Corey is saying, but they’re both dirty rotten liars, because nobody in this house has ever read anything to them, much less Harry-bleeding-Potter.
Irritatingly, they bonded over this conversation, which is a shame because I was enjoying Corey’s “ewww! Cooties!” reaction to her sister.
Dana: *waits patiently in the style of a Bond villain*
Dana: *spazzes out*
I send Ava into the room to check things out.
Ava wanders away, unconcerned.
Poor, unloved, Dana.
She’s totally plotting their deaths. Ugly as she might be, the kid is growing on me. Kinda like fungus.
I’m warming up to Carrie too. Any sim that will autonomously smustle and get caught in this pose is in the running for heir.
Guess what’s happening!
Ava, nobody cares. At all. Not me, not your husband, not your other bazillion kids. Nobody. Not even you.
Oh, Captain Dumbass cares enough to make a “Why me?” face.
(Why you, Dumbass? Because your lifetime want is to marry off six kids!)
It’s official, I must have a hack in here somewhere. Nobody can have three sets of twins in a row.
Meh. Another set of ungrateful mouths to feed, and two irritating bodies for the Nanny to hurl on the floor.
Let’s do the baby-twist!
Second baby arrives. Both boys (thank god). I have named them Jake and Elwood. My thing with names is to start the founder with the beginning of the alphabet (Ava was named after a secretary from Pyoria), and move down, but I used up all my B-names on another legacy. So, I skipped to C, did D, and E… well, there’s not many good E-names for boys (Eustace, Edmund… ick). So, at least Elwood is cool, and who is Elwood without Jake?
Garbage reminds Captain Dumbass of his kids. Nice.
DUMBASS, YOU WANTED THEM, NOT ME! I’D HAVE BEEN HAPPY IF YOU WERE A ROMANCE SIM!
Oh, this is what Corey and Carrie were doing during the birth. Killing each other.
They’re not as ugly as they once were.
I don’t know what’s worse, constant stalking or constant “why me?”.
Welcome to the world, Jake and Elwood.