This is Ava, my founder Sim. She’s a family sim – I got bored of starting off with evil sims. Her stats are:
Turn ons: browns hair and hard workers
Turn offs: Zombies
I’d love to say she did this spontaneously, but she didn’t. I had no idea you could get Sims to pose. How stupid am I?
Ava met loads of people – serously, the welcome wagon was overflowing – and then I sent her downtown to meet some people who weren’t completely fugly, but then the something went wrong.
I’m not sure what happened, but we crashed and burned and Ava lost all of her memories. See, sims do get amnesia.
However, this picture is so awesome that it is going in here, whether it’s relevant or not.
I built this lovely little shack for her to live in.
I sent her over to befriend the paperboy (papergirl…?) but…
… I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.
To be fair to Ava, even the paperboy looks bored by his own conversation.
Since the welcome wagon clearly wasn’t going to appear after the last crash, I decided to send Ava downtown to find some sperm meet some new people.
I don’t for a second believe that she’s a princess.
But just how pretentous must a neighbourhood be to have a taxi driver in a tiara.
Ava grabs a coffee, and despite her 9 nice points, starts boring a perfect stranger with her sexual preferences.
See the Fugly townie? Ava swooned. I nearly spawned the InSiminator and killed her then and there.
Plus, Fugly Townie threw up in his mouth at the sight of her.
Look at him! This Fugly Townie thinks he’s too good for Ava!
Oh, Ava, you cheeky scamp, you!
This apparently is premo entertainment in Simworld.
And then we spotted him! Ok, so he looks a bit like someone who has every album by Evanescence and believes that Amy Lee can accurately sing about the dark void of his soul… but in a world of fug, he’ll do.
Jeez, Ava! Don’t scare him!
So, Ava asks what he’s into. Fat chicks, apparently.
And he hates jewellery.
Yeah, that’s my reaction too, Ava. But you’re already on a date with him, so go with it.
Ava? Wanna tone down the desperate?
Who you? YES YOU! Stop being so desperate.
Wow, because that’s what I like to do on my dates.
That hair so does not suit your job!
Waitress: Tonight’s specials include crude oil…
Oy! MySpace Boy! At least pretend to care. She’s the hottest girl outside of cyberspace that you have a chance with!
Fabius (aka MySpace Boy): So, uh, you like kinky sex…?
Ava: *suddenly perks up* Awesome!
Ava tried something, MySpace Boy knocked her back.
And they both hate the date.
Ava: I hate the Harry Potter books.
Ava: But I liked the movies!
MySpace Boy: *tries not to cry*
Ava: Fuck this for a game of checkers, I’ve seen someone hotter than you. He’s actually a real vampire, not just a MySpace user who’s watched The Crow too many times.
Ava: *stalks the sexy vampire*
Sexy Vampire: *snarls in a sexy way*
Ava: So, what are you into?
Sexy Vampire (aka Count Bennett): Beards!
I’m confused, didn’t he just say that he liked beards?
Or did he just ask Ava to be his beard?
Ava and Sexy Vampire: *smooch*
Me: Ooookay. So, he’s bi, yes?
Ava, he’s the vampire, not you!
Mrs CrumpleBottom pwns Ava.
Why are sims so effing obsessed with pillow fights?
Jeez, they’re in love!
Take that MySpace Boy!
That must have been some good WooHooing.
I want you to know that Mrs CrumpleBottom didn’t appear until I sent them back in the photo booth to TAKE PHOTOS!
I was curious to see if a vampire would show up in them since they don’t have reflections.
If you are also curious, yes, they do!
Sexy Vampire: Um… something else!
Is he having a sneaky boob-feel?
Ava, you look like a spaz.
Guess who’s back?
Ava: I just got beaten up by someone’s nana.
Yes, Ava. She might be nuts, but she still pwns your ass in a fight.
You know, you could have bitten Mrs CrumpleBottom there, but no, you had to do mad “I’m a vampire” faces at the camera.
Due to the Bizarre Sims Space Time Continuum, it’s midday when Ava gets back, despite staying out until 4am. So she has to sleep in her coffin.
Ava, you’re fooling no-one. You may be a vampire, but it’s hard to take you seriously when you’re wearing blue spotted undies made by someone called “Bunny”.
I guess it’s easier to believe it now I can’t see her.
MySpace Boy calls (and believe me, this will be the first of many), and Ava tells him to get stuffed. Irritatingly, he developed a crush on her last night, just as she admitted defeat and gave up on the date.
Seriously, have I accidentally downloaded a hack on this one? Did Maxis honestly put this in there? MySpace Boy’s friend calling for a date because he’s heard she’s a rocking good time? How rude! I get offended on behalf of Ava’s virtue (let’s ignore the fact that she WooHoo’d Sexy Vampire three times in the photo booth) and tell him to go away. Then Ava becomes furious with him.
Ava buys some viagra anti-vampire potion.
What did I say about toning down the desperate?
To hell with it, rock on!
The coffin was taking up too much space, so I had to put the double bed outside. Sadly, this does not count as an outside WooHoo.
Count Whatever, you’re just not as intimidating without your billowing robes…
… ok, I take that back. You’re simply not intimidating.
You dance like my boss.
Or his dad.
Could not be dealing with wedding parties, plus Ava has no friends, and neither does Count Whatever-his-name-is.
Note the flowers in the back. The Count (from here on in, referred to as “Captain Dumbass”) left them at her door at dawn, then scuttled off, nearly aflame, saying “Ahhh! The sun, I must flee!”
Ava: Wanna get drunk?
Sexy Vampire: Hrmm…
SEE! POP ROCKS AND COKE WILL KILL YOU!
I have no idea why he is still a vampire. I have the proof that he drank the potion. You have seen the proof. He’s still a vampire.
Captain Dumbass: Dear Diary, I have stopped cooking to pour out the musings of my dark, tormented soul. I want a teddy bear.
Captain Dumbass: *stalks his wife*
Captain Dumbass: OMG! There’s something invisible in my way!
Captain Dumbass: I shall clean!
Captain Dumbass: I shall continue to clean, despite the thick black smoke pouring out of the oven.
Captain Dumbass: I shall stalk my wife again, despite the smoke.
Captain Dumbass: I shall tell my wife that her dinner smells bad, DESPITE THE THICK BLACK SMOKE POURING OUT OF THE DAMNED OVEN!
Captain Dumbass: OMFG! THE KITCHEN IS ON FIRE!
Dumbass Family: OMFG! FIRE!
Dumbass Me: Shit. Forgot the fire alarm.
Ava: OMFG! The mess!
Ava: *goes into meltdown*
Captain Dumbass: *throws up in his mouth a little*
Me: Don’t eat burnt food then, Captain Dumbass!
Captain Dumbass: *stalks*
Revamp of the house. Captain Dumbass brought not only stupid to the house, but literally a motherlode of cash.
Ava seems to be having issues, though god only knows what over.
Captain Dumbass appears to love the bubbles.
Ah, Ava’s missing the fugly bookcase I first bought her, despite the fact that there is a nice, new shiny one in the next room!
That’s right, kids, shag for babies!
I spy with my beady fucking eyes… what looks to be pop rocks and coke!
CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!
Yay! It worked this time!
One track mind.
Stop stalking! You’re human now!
Yes, Ava, you are pregnant.
Ooh, look at you popular girl!
Well, you know it’s not from MySpace Boy, because it would be filled with black hearts, and would actually be sent through the internet.
STOP FUCKING STALKING!
Ava: There’s weather in my house!
Ah, this would be why.
Oh, woe is me. Woe, woe, woe! It’s raining.
Oh, god, my life is over. It’s raining.
Captain Dumbass yet again attempts to cremate the kitchen.
Captain Dumbass: I like plays.
Captain Dumbass: I like books!
Ava: DAMNIT, YOU ARE NOT GAY!
Captain Dumbass: *grumble*
Captain Dumbass: *throws up in his mouth again*
Pop! (and weird belly!)
Ah, that’s better!
Ava comes home from work absolutely knackered. So, she cleans.
Then she paints.
Then she lets Captain Dumbass molest her belly.
Then she bitches about being tired.
Then she macks on Captain Dumbass.
Then she gets into bed for about ten seconds, before waking up again to pop.
And pop again. Other stuff did happen, but nothing picture-worthy. Even Captain Dumbass didn’t do anything ridiculously stupid.
Here we go again.
The stalker calls again, and Ava spends a good couple of hours talking to him, ignoring her babies.
Welcome to the world, Corey and Carrie.
Captain Dumbass’ stats:
Family Sim – I’m assuming this is because I have a hack installed that prevents family sims from fearing vampires and prevents the want to be changed back from being a vampire.
Turn ons: Beards and brown hair
Turn offs: Jewellery
With those turn ons, how on earth did he end up with Ava?